How To Fly

/In the blink of the stars

Jessie J- Who you are

"for the time that click slowly to provoke my beaten heart,
for love that exist on my imagination,
for every single drop of rain that inspire.
for the internet connection that connect me with emotion of those who accidentally splashed towards their hand writing,
for every noise of laugh from the neighbor hood kids,
for this sucks but not that sucks life.
I can see the ruins on my way, the ruin of castle where I don't want to live  on actually. reality. dream. imagination. which of them is the sweetest ?    

what can I do
when I give up but I can't 

because live must go on
and in every breath lives a chance
that I don't want to live in
a chance that maybe others want

but not by me
this hand writing, I'm going to write it down
my life, before I turned 20
to makes me see
who am I until today ? -remember kungfu panda?

Aku berusa 19 tahun , berusaha semampuku menyukai hal hal yang aku hadapi hari ini. berusaha memahami orang orang disekitarku saat ini, berusaha menjadi 'manusia' diantara manusia manusia lain, yang bersinar, yang redup, yang tegar, dan yang bersinar sendiri. aku melihat bagaimana galaksi berputar, menjadi cosmonaut di dalamnya, bagaimana meteorit datang dan menjauh, bagaimana bintang beredar dari suatu planet yg jauh ke planet lainnya. 

kini hujan sedang turun dengan derasnya, 2 tahun, hampir dua tahun aku disini, tersesat, menemukan, sadar, menjauh, menjadi gelap. aku yang tidak mengerti apa apa, mulai mengerti siapa diriku yang sebenarnya. melalui tulisan ini, 

maybe I'm getting my tantrum, maybe I'm passing through it, little by little but not in a fabulous way. but I can't wish upon God to rewind the time, because I don't want to experience it anymore. never. 

aku masih punya kesempatan, masih punya masa depan, beranikah aku mengucapkannya ?